see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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