that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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