Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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