I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
