My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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