i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
