Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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