He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
