I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
