Buhtt sex?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
