i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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