He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You pole danced in your parka.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
