Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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