I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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