I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
