Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
