the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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