do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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