Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Houston, we have a squirter
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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