you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
