Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
