can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found the puke drawer
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
