wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
