And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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