then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
