My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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