I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize