I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
