I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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