don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
