some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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