You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will be naked everywhere
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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