Only a mothe r could love this liver
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize