And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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