Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
