Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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