He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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