my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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