The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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