So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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