At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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