Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
