somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
