They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
