you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
