Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
