Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
