Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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