Farmville is her only friend.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
