I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
