Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
