If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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