I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
