I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
