Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We left the knife in your bed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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