I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
