New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
