You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
40s are totally the cure
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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