at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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