Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
