you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
