More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
