Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
