By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
