I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize