I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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