All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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