she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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