no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
