Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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