i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
