Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want nice things and good sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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