if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
