I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize