I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
