i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
